Congratulations! You’re moving into a brand new home. Let the decorating ideas begin. If you can survive the move first.

Stage 1: Inspiration

Before you start your move, of course you’ll be inspired about your new home. Spiral into a Pinterest-induced decorating fantasy. Get lost in Yelp reviews while you cross-check Grubhub delivery options for your new digs. Enjoy the calm before the storm.

Stage 2: Purge

You’ve got to make room for all the new belongings you plan to acquire for your new space. Applaud yourself for embracing a minimalist mindset on par with the Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up way of life.

Stage 3: Denial

Acquire a laughably inadequate number of “fancy” boxes for what you believe will suffice to pack your belongings. Later you will transport remaining objects in laundry baskets and garbage bags.

Mani O'Brien

Storyteller and Virgo

LA-based social media marketer and brand journalist Mani O’Brien spends her downtime raising a small human and ranting on this blog. Here you’ll find frequent cursing, a self-indulgent analysis of her 30-something existence as a wife, mother, Millennial, digital marketer and astrology-obsessed feminist.

It's not too late to burn it all down.

Stage 4: Seduction

Convince your friends to help you with the task at hand with the promise of beers and pizza. Because testing the limits of your friendship requires a good meal.

Stage 5: Hunting

Curse yourself for not splurging on extra packing tape dispensers and Sharpie markers as you search high and low for your misplaced packing essentials.

Stage 6: Exasperation

Let the arguing begin between you and your roommate/significant other/children/friends regarding how to pack/move/protect key belongings and which items to keep/toss. Insist that you know the best way to do everything.

Stage 7: Grief

Suddenly regret everything you’ve ever saved or purchased and your decision to not renew your lease. Realize that it’s too late to turn back. Use your hot, salty tears to scrub your bathtub.

Stage 8: Bargaining

Consider burning all remaining belongings and abandoning your conventional life. Google “How to live as a Buddhist monk” to determine viability of giving up all of your material belongings.

Stage 9: Acceptance

Suck it up and power through the transport of your remaining assets. Or, spend an obscene amount of money on moving and cleaning crews to help you put an end to the torment. Either way, swear to never again move for as long as you live.

Stage 10: Apologies

Mend relationships with a house-warming party. Swiftly forget the pain of moving until your next lease deadline.

All images courtesy of Giphy

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