Confessions of a Former Salesperson: Rejection is a Way of Life

I believe that every person could benefit from working both in the customer service sector and the sales sector prior to pursuing any other career. This was my path– six years in retail followed by two years in outside sales. Both experiences taught me invaluable skills relevant to my job every single day. If you didn’t have the luxury (or as some might describe “horror”) of experiencing a sales job like I did, allow me to impart upon you some of the key lessons I learned that could benefit you today– immediately– in your own career, no matter the industry.

This is an ongoing series focusing on different topics… starting with what I consider the most valuable lesson I learned: which is that rejection is no big deal. 

Let me paint a picture for you of a young girl, clutching her audio recorder with sweaty palms and practically hyperventilating at the thought of interviewing sources (a.k.a. her own classmates and peers) about their opinion about hard-hitting news topics like the health benefits of drinking Jamba Juice smoothies. This was me at 20, studying journalism at Arizona State University and working myself into a crumpled, neurotic mess whenever I needed to approach strangers to engage in small talk, covering “serious” college concerns like on-campus style or whether Emo culture was a passing fad.

I’m glad to know that I had enough self-awareness to realize that my crippling shyness was going to hinder my career as an aspiring journalist/writer. This awareness was the most prominent factor that drove me to pursue a sales position in the first place, thus making fearlessness the single most importance lesson I learned from my outside sales experience.

So I went from sweaty-palmed college student, to an even more sweaty-palmed (but well dressed!) salesperson, masking my insecurities with a winning grin while convincing small business owners of the value of my company’s payroll administration benefits. It was a masochistic exercise in personal development. In the beginning I would hype myself up before walking into a building several times before actually entering. I choreographed what I like to call the “dance of apprehension” as I entered, left and re-entered offices, my car, etc., backing in and out like as if I were an SUV being maneuvered into a compact parking space.

Courtesy of Giphy

Courtesy of Giphy

I’d say that the worst moment I ever experienced was when a business owner screamed at me in front of all of his employees. The lumbering red-faced man bellowed at me, “What’s the matter with you? Can’t you see how important I am? Get the fuck out of here!”

Okay, actually that never happened.

In reality, I think the worst reaction I ever received  (a result of an unannounced in-person visit) was when a man assertively told me, “I don’t have time to listen to your sales pitch.” Fair enough. Of course I fled outside where I could burst into tears in the privacy of my car.

“Feel the fear and do it anyway.”

– my cousin, Kelli.

(Also, apparently, the motto of Jimmy Choo CEO Tamara Mellon, according to The Guardian).

Here’s the thing– once you get used to the initial shock of rejection, it almost becomes fun to embrace failing– just because you had the guts to go for it. I’m not here to tell you that fear goes away– it doesn’t, actually. But as a salesperson, you learn to embrace the fear and roll with it. My cousin has a great mantra that has always stuck with me: “Feel the fear, and do it anyway.” A great one because, for me at least, my sense of fear of talking to strangers never really diminished completely. But saying this mantra is like saying to yourself, “fuck it” and allowing your drive to overcome the discomfort you feel.

A sales career teaches you how silly it is to worry about rejection because you are rejected almost on a daily basis– typically in the form of polite, straightforward let-downs versus whatever your worst nightmare is. Once you get over the fear of the “worst case scenario,” almost any task seems worth pursuing because you’re no longer afraid of what the outcome might be. The thought of being rejected seems harmless once you’ve been there so many times.

Often people are so overwhelmed by their own fear of failure that they become frozen in circumstances that make them unhappy. Scared of what they envision to be a negative outcome, they take no action whatsoever. When you are rejected on a daily basis as a salesperson, you realize how much emotional baggage is tied to the notion of failure and rejection, and you learn to shrug it off. You shamelessly and unabashedly approach situations with a new sense of calm and detachment.

Today you might be afraid of not closing the deal or not booking the appointment (if you’re in sales), or perhaps you’re afraid of something more personal– scared of starting a new chapter in your life, worried about hurting someone’s feelings, feeling vulnerable about having your ideas criticized, or launching a project that turns out to be a bitter failure. I’m not saying it doesn’t suck to be rejected– it burns, it stings… but it diminishes over time. And eventually, the thrill of the audacity of trying outweighs the bad.

And I’m not saying you won’t fail. You probably will. A salesperson knows that after experiencing various types of rejection, you realize that there isn’t ever just one opportunity to “succeed.” In my experience, one usually encounters multiple opportunities to achieve their goals. Which means even after you totally embarrass yourself at a meeting, botch a introduction, put your foot in your mouth, or hear “no” for the first or zillionth time– just know that you have many more opportunities to try again in your future.

When it comes to interviewing strangers, I’m not saying I’ve completely eradicated the sweaty palms from my method of operation, I’m just saying I now enjoy the thrill of it. And honestly, sometimes I do totally embarrass myself– but at least I have the guts to try.

Image: Death to the Stock Photo, Giphy

9 Facts that Prove that Geena Davis is a Badass

Some facts about the Academy Award-winning Actress who is also a serious advocate for gender equality and diversity in the film industry and basically our sher-o:

1. First off, let’s assess the astrology sign, shall we? Davis is a Capricorn-Aquarius cusp baby, born January 21, 1956 in Wareham, Massachusetts. Cusp people rule the world, Geena. Thanks for the reminder.

2. Her film roles include The Fly, Beetlejuice, Thelma & Louise, The Long Kiss Goodnight and The Accidental Tourist for which she won the 1988 Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress… But our favorite, of course, is her role as Dottie Hinson in A League of Their Own. Even though Dottie quit the game to scurry off to be a housewife, she still slayed at baseball and Geena showed us what life was like for the ladies in the dark pre-women’s lib era.

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3. As if an Oscar wasn’t enough, Davis is also a Golden Globe winner. She took the Golden Globe for Best Actress – Television Series for her portrayal of MacKenzie Allen in Commander in Chief. Collect those awards like a boss, Geena… You’re halfway to EGOT status, girl.

4. Random life skill: Davis was a women’s Olympics archery team semi-finalist. Ok now you’re just showing of, Geena.

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5. She also had a long-standing guest appearance ABC’s medical drama television series Grey’s Anatomy portraying surgeon Dr. Herman. Way to rock the positive-female-role-model vibe while working with another amazing crush-worthy goddess of entertainment that is Shonda Rimes. High five, Geena.

6. Her (fourth) husband in is an Iranian-American plastic surgeon with whom she has three children including a daughter and twin sons. No shame in the divorce game, Geena. Birthing two babies at once while raising another tiny human is no joke. Mad respect, Geena.

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7. Davis spearheaded the largest research project ever undertaken on gender in children’s entertainment at the Annenberg School for Communication at USC that showed that there are 3 males for every 1 female character in nearly 400 rated-G, PG-13, and R-Rated movies. I mean, WTF is up with that? Thanks for bringing that to light for us, Geena.

8. Davis launched The Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media in 2007, focused on reducing stereotyping females by a male-dominated film industry. Again, way to take it to the next level, Geena. You’re, like, inspiring us all over the place with your overachieving nature for a totally righteous cause, girl.

9. Just this week, Davis has launched an annual film festival to be held in Bentonville, Arkansas to highlight diversity in film, accepting films that prominently feature minorities and women in the cast and crew. The inaugural Bentonville Film Festival will occur May 5-9, 2015. Already kicking off 2015 with a bang, Geena. Making our vision board look pretty mediocre, girl.

Love you, Geena.
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Image: Courtesy of Columbia Pictures

Vows to Take Before You Become Parents

After recently officiating a wedding, the idea of vows has been on my mind– although not the type that you might think. My boyfriend and I are raising our beautiful and rambunctious daughter in a non-traditional setting. We are going on our fifth year of dating, fourth year of living together and second year of raising our unexpected and cherished little squirt. As LA transplants without family around, we were thrilled when my sister and niece decided to blend their family with ours last year, now living together with us in a large house in The Valley, with two dogs to boot.

Parenthood has been an incredibly transformative experience for us as a couple– shocking I know. And while we haven’t yet taken the leap to say “I do” in the form of marriage vows, our commitment to our family and mutual respect for each other is hopefully reflected through our actions.

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So back to the idea of vows… I wonder why we don’t as a culture express verbal parenting vows? Not vows expressed to children from parents, but from parents to each other. While some marriage vows encompass the trials and changes guaranteed by the introduction of a new member to one’s family, I think such a rite of passage deserves its own pact, especially for those non-traditional couples out there.

Knowing now what I didn’t know then, these are the words I may have expressed to my boyfriend prior to our venture into parenthood:

“You are a wonderful companion– my confidant and best friend and it is with great joy (and optimism) that I embark on the journey of parenthood with you (hoping that this does not, in fact, destroy us).

May our love grow deeper as we expand our family. Together we stand as one, sharing our future as it comes, knowing that we are moving forward into what will be a joyous and challenging new adventure. We may not have the freedom to sleep in or watch endless crime-thriller marathons in bed anymore, but hopefully our child will give us all the more reason to stay in our pajamas for days on end, and also a reasonable excuse to bail on the weekend bar-hopping excursions that we’ve come to loathe in our late 20s.

The first time we found out we would become parents, I felt nervous and unsure as to whether I was totally ready (read: a cocktail of panic-stricken hyperventilating and uncontrollable sobbing).

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With you by my side, however, I feel a sense of strength and conviction, ready to embark on this new chapter with confidence, determination and joy. As the days grow to weeks, and the weeks to months, and the months to years (at least 18, from what I hear), may we never forget this joyous day and the vows of commitment we are pledging to each other today while we are still well-rested, well-groomed and ignorant of what life has in store for us as new parents.

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Knowing that this journey is a new one for both of us, let us acknowledge that each of us has strengths and knowledge, as well as individual emotional challenges that may surface based on our life experiences. I promise to be open to your ideas for how to raise a child no matter how zany they may seem– and also to be sensitive to the fact that you may not share my overzealous intention to serve our child a strict diet of unprocessed, unrefined foods. I promise not to judge you for forgetting all of the words to my favorite nursery rhymes, and I ask that you exercise restraint when laughing at my widdle biddy baby banter.

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Hand in hand, I acknowledge parenthood is a journey we are embracing together, and I promise to stand by your side, to love, help and encourage you even in the wee hours of morning, on the days when neither of us has eaten or showered, and the moment we realize that our weekend sex routine has been replaced with singing along to the opening credits of the “Elmo’s World” segment of Sesame Street.

I vow to take time to share my concerns with you, and to listen to your concerns with an open heart and mind. I promise to calmly and graciously speak up when I need personal time, and to remember that you will also need personal time. I vow to take turns changing diapers and comforting our child when she awakens in the dead of night, and also take turns acting as dance partner when she insists on swaying endlessly to that robotic version of “Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star.”

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Recognizing that we may face differences in small, everyday decisions like how to dress our child in coordinating on-season attire, to big decisions like how to explain the concept of death to our child, I promise to approach parenting decisions with your values in mind, knowing that there may be many times during which we need to find a happy compromise. I promise to pick and choose my battles and not obsess when and if our child comes home from school wearing pajama pants.

Acknowledging the importance of teamwork and (at the very least) the perception of a united front, I promise to support you and stand by your side when you decide that it’s time to implement a timeout when she puts herself in near-death situations.

I promise to attempt at least a basic level of personal care and hygiene if we can both accept the fact that sometimes an afternoon nap is worth letting the dust settle on our bookcases.

I promise to always treat our child with compassionate, loving kindness, and know wholeheartedly that you will do the same. I promise to continue to hold you in the highest regard, and to remember these vows of commitment, patience and honesty today, tomorrow and for the rest of our lives. I love you. Let’s do this.”

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What about you? Did you take parenting vows prior to expanding your family? Tell us in the comments below or on Twitter.

Images via: Split Shire and Gratisography.

In All I Am

Poems Unrequited: In All I Am

My useless love roams over you
From another life again
In nights sleepless, moonscarred,
Scrawled by the blood of pens then
I have seen the dawns come crowded
In mountain mists and city shards
Sunsets have they wailing gone
As wine my moanings under stars
Lone I sip by sip by sip
Till drunk I am by all that’s not
In distances of love bred far
Where I’ll wander useless still
In all I am you ever are

July 24, 1998
(desmond)

About Desmond and Poems Unrequited.

In All I Am: by Desmond. Poems Unrequited.

Image Lydia Jane via Miss Moss.

Take

Azam Alwi photography

If my name you might recall
Take this into dreams with you
Lightweight made, small but true
Nothing to intrude on you
From the distances of days
Lifetimes shed and ones to make
Take this to your heart unseen
Gentle shred that it might be
Of my heart given once to thee,
Take it with you as you go
Wisp of my love given free
For all your love I did not know
To spite the God that made it so

July 24, 1998
(desmond)

About Desmond and Poems Unrequited.

Take poem by Desmond. Poems Unrequited blog.

Image via Huffington Post

Copyright © 2014 Poems Unrequited. All rights reserved.

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